Thursday, 20 September 2012

Not on my (search) terms

Gosh, I haven't been on here in a while. We have lots of catching up to do, my friends. It's been a busy couple of months.

Although I haven't written any posts since early August, this has not had the usual impact on my number of page views. Normally, I obsessively check the number of views my blog receives, like a small child checking presents under the tree. Click on me! Validate me! Prove I exist! (as Miss Fox would imitate in a whining voice that sounds in no way like my own: 'Pay me attention!') It probably sounds remarkably tragic (on a par with my weekly enjoyment of Holby City - don't judge!), but now that I'm not in full-time education, I don't get grades to measure my self-worth, sorry - academic attainment, by. Blog stats are thus a meagre attempt to self-assess. AND YET all this has now been SPOILT. Because, despite not posting anything for weeks, I'm still getting regular views. Why? Because of people google-imaging those fucking VAGINA CUPCAKES! Now when I look at the traffic sources and how people have bumped into my blog, I repeatedly discover it's from googling 'cunt cakes', 'hymen pussy', 'lesbian vaginas' and 'kate is so gay'.

Search Keywords
cunt cakes
cupcakes clitoris
hymen pussy
vag cupcake
vaginal cupcakes
lesbian and my beautiful girlfriend scenes

This does not make me happy. Not only do I feel quite sad, and weirdly unclean through association, but I also now can't know how many people are reading my blog for the content, rather than just scouring the web for jammy cunts (as it were). The only small thing that can assuage these frustrated and vaguely voyeuristic feelings (almost like hearing someone wanking in a public toilet) is that they might accidentally read the content while they're unbuttoning their trousers, or the type-face might flicker in the corner of their eyes as they glaze over, and they'll accidentally catch some lefty feminist rhetoric which might slip through the cracks in their hypothalamus, lodge itself somewhere, and spread like a lovely bacteria. WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS. ART IS POWER. CREATIVITY IS GOLDEN. KATE MAKES LEARNING FUN.

Hmmmm. I haven't actually written about any of the things I meant to. And I'm too tired now. Bollocks. (Please don't let that mean I'll get search terms of people looking for testicles now; there's only so much genitalia I can take!). I'll have to leave all my other musings and updates for another time. Including my bumping-into-Boris-Johnson-this-evening story. I bet you can hardly wait.


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