Volunteering with Diversity Role Models

With the next issue of Equilibrium about to come out, here's another one of my articles for it, to whet your appetite!

Volunteering with Diversity Role Models

I first discovered how volunteering could warm your soul in 2007 when I spent a good portion of my week at the Oxfam Bookshop in Winchester, whilst trying to sort my life, health and head out a bit. And it genuinely made a massive impact on me; I felt honoured to be giving my time for free there. It wasn’t completely selfless; in that little bookshop on the aptly named Parchment Street, I made friends, found a sense of purpose, and co-invented our Sunday game: Shop Cricket (and got ‘caught out by Proust’ for the first time).

Now I’m living in London, freelancing my arse off to pay my rent (doing a job I love, though, so can’t complain too loudly) and working for free is something I hoped was consigned to my student days. But volunteering and working for free are two different things: one a social problem of glass ceilings and a devalued sector, and the other an act of giving to a society you want to be an active part of. So when I heard about Diversity Role Models, I knew I wanted to volunteer as a Role Model (hard to say without following the term with some kind of witty, self-deprecating remark, but I’ll resist).    

Set up in 2011, Diversity Role Models is a charity that helps schools to eradicate homophobic bullying and provide an inclusive and safe environment for their LGBT students and families. Through high-quality, interactive workshops involving role models and discussions that allow young people to explore their views and understand difference, DRM hopes to tackle the prejudice that leads to homophobic bullying. ‘I firmly believe that by providing role models for LGBT young people, we can have a positive effect on the negative statistics’, says Suran Dickson, CEO and founder of the organisation, who was prompted to start the charity after witnessing the impact homophobic bullying had in the schools she worked in. And the statistics are shocking: LGBT youth are six times more likely to commit suicide and two thirds of them suffer bullying at school. Furthermore, as they say on their website:

            …it's not just LGBT young people. Straight students are terrified of being called 'gay'.   Girls drop out of sport and boys hide artistic talent to conform to gender roles and avoid being labelled gay or lesbian.

Anyone who’s been into a school recently will know that this is an issue that affects the wellbeing of all young people, whether implicitly or explicitly.

Since its conception, DRM has delivered their workshops to over 5,000 pupils and the results speak for themselves. Over 90% of young people indicated that they would treat LGBT people better and use the word ‘gay’ as a derogatory term less in the future. Teachers and pupils that have attended the workshops have seen a significant shift in attitudes and behaviour in their schools and would urge other schools to seek their help. ‘Fabulous - should be part of the national curriculum! This workshop should be offered to all year groups', enthused one teacher who attended a recent workshop. I know I agree. I am proud to be a Diversity Role Model. The biggest payment is knowing that you’re making a difference. 

The next academic year will see DRM delivering workshops across the country, as well as continuing to work across the capital. For more information on the workshops and to enquire about booking, contact info@diversityrolemodels.org

East London charm

Guy: Hey. Do you recognise me? We met at that conference...

Me: Sorry. Which conference?

Guy: You know.

Me: Sorry....

Guy: Only messing with you. I just wanted to say 'hi' cos I think you're pretty. Where are you going?

Me: The Aladdin.

Guy: To meet your boyfriend?

Me: No.

Guy: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No.

Guy: Do you want a boyfriend?

Me: No. I have a girlfriend.

Guy: Really? That's amazing!

Me: (hint of anger in my voice) Why's that amazing?

Guy: Can I have your number?

Me: Umm... No!

Guy: Why not?

Me: I don't think my girlfriend would like it.

Guy: She can come too.

Me: I definitely don't think she'd like that.

Guy: Well, maybe I could just come and watch?

I give him a filthy look and walk away.


I know it wouldn't have changed his bigoted, homophobic, skank views, but I wish I'd stayed and explained to him how offensive that was. I also wish I'd called him an imaginative compound swear-word.

Don't be so gay

With same sex marriage a hot political topic in the UK and the US, not to mention some very concerning legislature on the horizon in the Ukraine, issues around homosexuality are getting quite a bit of press at the minute (which reminds me - I still need to read and respond to the government's consultation before 14th June). I particularly enjoyed Victoria Coren's Why love trumps economics in last week's Observer; not only for its ideological argument, but also for the paragraph that ran: They [those in the Tory party revolted by the idea of gay marriage] know better than to reveal the full terrifying vision of social collapse that a gay wedding triggers in their minds: a church full of crop-haired anarchists, most of them speaking foreign languages; teenagers snorting heroin off the altar, most of them on Facebook; women publicly breastfeeding in the pews, most of them bishops; two newlywed drag queens high-fiving as a vicar in hotpants says: "You may now fist the bride."  Reading this on the train on the way back from a Northern socialist wedding (more a call to arms than celebration of romantic feeling; the groom's speech fleetingly referred to his wife before tackling the deficit, tax-avoidance and bankers' bonuses, before seguing nicely into a ceilidh), it also prompted an interesting discussion with my (straight) identical twin, over her feelings of the importance of marriage reforms for straight couples who don't want to get 'married', but instead want a 'civil partnership', to make things truly equal. Equality is a strange pigeon, as my girlfriend would say.

But, closer to home, I've been pretty frustrated recently (to put it nice and politely) with my own experience of what has ranged from latent heteronormativity to slurred bigotry, calling at casual homophobia and a few other stations on the way. Whether it's left-wing, predominantly open-minded friends who wouldn't date a bisexual, to those who don't believe lesbians can have sex, or facebook friends saying 'gay' as an insult, to people shouting stuff at me in the streets, I'M TIRED OF IT.

Picture the scene:

My beautiful girlfriend and I are about to enter a tube station to get the last train home after a night out.

GUY: Hey! I like what you're wearing (to GEM). Why don't you give me your number and maybe we could chat some more about fashion some time? (We didn't point out that this hardly constituted a conversation)

GEM: I'm OK, thanks.

GUY: Well, why don't you give me your number and you can give me a call later and tell us where you two end up, if it's any good?

GEM: Nah, it's alright. We're actually going home.

GUY: Well, why don't you give me your number anyway? (Credit should go to him for persistence, I will concede).

GEM: We're actually together (gestures at me).

GUY: (pause) Well, why don't you take my number anyway, so you can call me when you realise the strap-on's not enough, and it's a real cock you're after.

Charming. What did he think? That she was going to turn around and say, 'Oh my god, you're right! What have I been thinking?! I thought I was a lesbian, but now you've suggested it, meeting you, I've realised that all I needed was your big, giant, delicious cock to make me realise what I was missing. How silly of me....'????

Fade out.



Scene #2

Walking down the high street.

PAINT BALL GUY: Hey girls! Fancy shooting your boyfriends?

ME: I don't have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend. You shouldn't make assumptions.

Fade out. 




Scene #3

Walking down the high street the following day.


PAINT BALL GUY #2: Hey, girl in blue.

ME: Hi. I'm not really interested in paint-balling.

PAINT BALL GUY #2: What about your friends? Or your boyfriend? Attractive girl like you must have a boyfriend.

ME: It obviously wasn't you I spoke to yesterday. I actually have a girlfriend.

GUY FROM BEFORE: Yeah - she's got a girlfriend.

PAINT BALL GUY #2: Do you both need boyfriends?

GUY FROM BEFORE: Wouldn't that slightly defeat....

Moron. Paint ball guy #2 - you disappoint me. Do we both need boyfriends?! I want to set Julie Bindel on him

Unimpressed fade out.




Scene #4


MY DOCTOR: What contraception are you using?

ME: I'm not.

DOC: Are you trying to get pregnant?

ME: No.

DOC: Do you have a boyfriend?

ME: No. I have a girlfriend.

DOC. Then there's no point going on the pill. Unless, of course, you are planning on having sex with men in the future? We're not all the bad, really!

ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. Of course Mr Doctor, because I thought you men were all disgusting and gross and horrid, and that's why I have a girlfriend. Not because I accidentally fell in love with my best friend and was lucky enough that she fell in love with me too. Of course. And now you come to mention it, Mr Young & Cocky Doctor, I've just realised that you are not all that bad, really. Just some of you.

Fade out, sexually, with Bond girls dancing and Brigitte Bardot & Serge Gainsbourg playing in the background....

Hmmph.

She works hard for the money

I work hard for the money....If only I had more...(don't worry I'm not begging your sympathy, donations and food parcels. Although I'm a polite young lady and would never turn them away. Please email for my address.)  

However, mumble-grumbling aside, I am feeling very lucky at the moment regarding work (amount of and quality of), and am still slightly reeling over my good fortune to be working with the groups and colleagues that I do.

'Who are they all?' I hear you ask, with an expression as eager as....my face looks a lot of the time. I'm a very eager person. Well, I shall reply by giving you The Break-Down. I tested my Dad on all my 8 (or something) jobs recently and he did pretty well, considering I can only remember all of them if I use my fingers. Don't worry, I won't be testing you, dear reader (to go a bit Charlotte Bronte), with some bizarre interactive blog-post version of Kim's Game. Although I would if I had the technical prowess.

So, in no particular order, these are Kate's jobs, clearly listed for your perusal:

Attic Theatre Company - jointly running weekly Drama workshops as part of Many Voices, one of Attic's outreach projects, working with young refugees/unaccompanied minors.

Crime Reduction Initiatives (C.R.I.) Abstinence and Aftercare, Munster Road - Creative writing and Drama, each once a month, working with men and women who are at different stages of recovery from substance misuse.


CoolTan Arts - Poetry Tutor for women who experience mental distress, for a community arts organisation who believe mental well-being is enhanced by the power of creativity.

Prendergast Vale College - Yr. 7 Drama teacher at a new comprehensive, co-ed. school in Lewisham, teaching a weekly Drama class.

Three Faiths Forum - inter-faith/inter-cultural facilitation in schools, both Drama-based for their School Linking programme, and as a facilitator for their Education team, delivering workshops/presentations in schools.

QUIT - Youth Presenter/Advisor for Quit Because, their youth programme, delivering smoking awareness workshops in schools and other youth settings.

Teen Boundaries, part of Family Lives - Outreach Worker, running workshops about sexualised bullying, sexual violence, the objectification of different genders, and other important issues like that. This is a new job I will be starting after Easter and I'm really excited, as I strongly believe that sex education in schools needs to develop its focus on emotional education and the complexities of sexual relationships (with any gender).

Diversity Role Models - 'Role Model'/speaker for DRM, working in schools to combat homophobic bullying by presenting 'real life' people to talk to them, of a spectrum of sexual identities. I've written about them on here a couple of times, so scroll to earlier blog posts if you are interested.

Ummm.... Is that it? Have I forgotten any? I'm on Cragrat's books as a freelancer, but haven't had any work yet. Oooh, and I'm sort of setting up a theatre company with my good friend Madelaine, but more on that soon (suspense, suspense)...


*I should put a little disclaimer to say that the title of this post is only referencing the fact that I'm working pretty damn hard, rather than any allusion to prostitution (haven't had to go down that road yet) which the song always seems to suggest to me.

Losing my Diversity Role Models virginity

On Tuesday morning earlier this week, I volunteered for the first time for Diversity Role Models, a charity which I wrote about in an earlier blog post which aims to combat homophobic bullying in schools. I practised my little talk on the doddery Metropolitan line up to the school in Harrow that morning, and had made an effort to look quite feminine - both because I feel a bit more confident in schools sometimes with a bit of make-up on, and also because (with my particularly short hair at the moment) I wanted to try and counter any obvious (butch) stereotypes that the young people might have regarding what a 'lesbian' (or bisexual, or a woman who is in a relationship with another woman) looks like. I had decided to talk a bit about having a 'straight' identical twin, as in the training we had discussed how that might be a good discussion  point and something that the young people found interesting. Generally, it seems that our over-riding message was, 'Hey, we're just people, and being L, G, B, or T isn't the most interesting thing about us'. We might feel it is a huge part of our identity, we might not; we might think a label defines us, we might not. Most of all, it's just about who we love - and does that really need to provoke hate, abuse or fear?

It was an amazing morning and I was really impressed by the honest and self-awareness of the students (aged 12-13). Many students wrote on their feedback forms that the thing they had enjoyed the most was the refreshing honesty from adults, who were prepared to talk openly and confidently about their sexuality and answer their questions, and some wrote that their favourite thing was meeting a real life gay person for the first time. One student even wrote on his feedback sheet that the thing s/he enjoyed least was 'realising how much I use the word gay and feeling embarrassed and ashamed about it, as know it is offensive' - how honest and self-aware! And others wrote that the thing they enjoyed least was 'hearing about the boy Dominic who killed himself as it made me sad and angry'. It was interesting and moving reading them back, and confirmed to me how frighteningly important DRM's mission is.

I left feeling inspired. Buzzing. Full of thoughts and questions, ideas and emotions. I can't wait to go in again.


Post-script
Couple of other DRM things:
Check out this video on youtube by the L Project: It Gets Better, aiming to help raise awareness and monies for charities (including DRM) which work to prevent LGBT bullying among young people

Also go visit the Diversity Role Models' blog (I would particularly recommend the entry 'To Gay or Not to Gay?') and also the article on the Observer the other week about homophobic bullying and Dominic Crouch.

Diversity Role Models

At the end of conferences I am known to surreptitiously secrete the left-over teabags about my person. Or the occasional carton of orange juice. It's the way I roll. Intellectual stimulation, perhaps new networks created and friends made, and one of my 5-a-day for the rest of the week - who could ask for more? But a training event I attended last night truly surpassed all others, as I left with a bulging bag stuffed to the brim with left-overs: a bottle of wine, soft drinks, and a (Blue Peter-esque) tin foil tray, artfully folded to contain samosas, rice, pitta bread and fancy salads. The catering had been generously sponsored (as had the rather nice venue in Red Lion Square) by law firm Mishcon de Reya - so I'll raise a glass to them. I'm currently tucking into a stuffed vine-leaf as we speak (I type).

However - believe it or not - it was not the culinary delights of last night (and lunch time today) that inspired me to write this post. Far from it. Instead, I really wanted to say a little bit about Diversity Role Models, who were running the training.

DRM's mission is to combat homophobic bullying in schools by educating young people about differences in sexuality and gender identity. Their method is to communicate with students directly, using positive role models to counter negative stereotypes and educate young people about diversity. Last night I was training to be one of those role models. It feels a bit strange to say that, to be actively putting myself forward as a role model; I'm sure if many parents saw the messy state of my bedroom (I will get tidier, I promise) they'd baulk at the idea of me as a perfect role model. But at DMR we were assured that we're not set up as aspirational emblems; we do not need to be 'successful, attractive or brilliant', indeed if we all were I guess we'd fail at representing diversity. The point is that we are real people, who represent a broad spectrum of sexual identities (in fact, in my opinion, each and every person represents a different sexual identity, as how can such an intrinsic and personal thing be anything other than unique), and are happy to talk to young people about what it means to be L, G, B, T, straight, queer, or however we self-identify.

It was such an inspirational evening. And I don't say that lightly. I feel so, so passionately about this agenda: about tackling homophobia, prejudice, fear and intolerance. At a time where LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) young people are three times more likely to attempt suicide and two thirds of them suffer bullying at school, how is this not important?

The event was really thought-provoking as well. It made me cast a retrospective eye over my time at school: Had people come out? (only one in my year, and it didn't end well) What were the prevailing attitudes to homosexuality? (I did a survey for my Sociology coursework at sixth form on this topic and was surprised to find so many 'It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve' attitudes, in what I thought was quite a liberal area) What about casual homophobia embedded into everyday language? ('That's so gay', 'Don't be so gay!', 'Urghh, they should be re-named GAY Levels!' Poor excuse for a pun. Gay, gay, gay - you hear it everywhere, and not in the sense my grandma still uses it. I remember hearing it for the first time when I was about 11 and being quite upset. When did this become acceptable?). And what about LGBT role models? Sparse would be an under-statement. Some of the others there were quite shocked by my revelation that I know basically no gay women (with the obvious exception of my beautiful girlfriend, the fabulous Miss Fox!), and certainly no Older Wiser Lesbians (OWLs - a term Gem introduced me to a while back). We need diverse role models. Young people need to know that 'gay' isn't just an insult and doesn't just mean one type of person.

Any excuse for a picture of an owl...

Listening to the other role models there to be trained, and the stories they told, I felt privileged to be party to their honesty, humour and insight.


So, a little plug: if, like me, you think this is an important issue, check out the Diversity Role Models website, or even visit their charities trust page.

Gosh, I feel all impassioned and stuff... Maybe I should use the excess energy to go and tidy my room. Or fervently apply for jobs I don't really want and would be paid tuppence for.... Maybe I'll just have another samosa and quietly reflect on the state of the world.